Now I know you're excited and you can't wait,
     so I'll try my best to recapitulate,
          all the elements of this saga as best I can.
               I bought her a jacket.

We were supposta' go out the very next night,
     but I could tell on the phone something didn't seem right,
          said she "I'm doin' dinner with a girl friend
               I'll be back as soon as I can".

Well I should have been smart enough to surmise,
     but it really didn't come as much of a surprise,
          when I caught that jacket out drinkin' with another man.
Huh !

Well a few days later she showed up again,
     With tears in her eyes and a cute little grin,
          a beggin' and a pleadin' could I give her just more chance?
               o I bought her a stereo.

Now I ask her to explain this next scenario,
     hey, who's the chubby bald guy playin' with my sterio?
          She said "now you calm down
               things ain't always as they appear.

She said in pursuit of her musical perfection,
     this nice young professional came by to check out her
          CD collection and would I like to stay and
               maybe have one or two of his beers?
               I don't think so.

Well, there was really nothin' left for me to do,
     but beat her at her own game and find somebody new,
          so a fluff and a buff and I was headed out on the town.
               There's one at the bar - This should be easy.

Now I thought I had come up with the perfect line,
     to make the blond cutie at the end of the bar mine,
          but I guess she thought my compliment
               was a bit uncouth.

Now her violent reaction just made no sense,
     Hell, I couldn't believe she took such offence,
          When I looked her straight in her
               one good eye and said - nice tooth.
                    I went home alone.