Well the twenty-ninth was cousin's
Pinky's birthday party.
You ask if I could run you over cause' you were stuck.
And I said honey, you know I'd be glad to,
Just go on out there and lie down in front of my truck.
And then you got mad because I could not stop laughin'.
When you smacked that tree cause' you
couldn't see through them tears.
And since you was down I decided that would be a fine time.
To tell ya' all the shit that I been wantin' to tell ya' for years.
Flick that booger from your nose,
scrub your face put on some hose.
And maybe, just maybe, I'll take ya's dancin'.
Run a hay fork through that hair,
get your fat ass off that chair.
Go in and run yourself a tub bath if you want romancin'.
It’s gonna' be hard to find the beauty that lay underneath,
If you wont at least try to scrap that
green stuff off'a them teeth.
And then how am I ever gonna' miss you sweetie pie,
If you wont ever leave?
You know things just ain't been the same round' here.
Since sissy gave Gunther that stiffie with just a glance.
And just when I thought things couldn't get much wors'ser.
You bet him you could teach his little bean weasel to dance.
Now I think that's when his wife picked up that ball bat.
Jim Ed took one in the forehead, sorry cuz'.
I was reminded by the ensuing bloodbath,
Just what a class act your family really was.
And I have had to clean up all my bad language.
Since Mother Stockdale came out here to stay.
She arrived bag-n-baggage on a bus last Tuesday.
And just who the hell named Tuesday, Tuesday anyway?
And then little Jim-Skippy he ran away last weekend.
Now I always thought he was a tad bit more than queer.
I don't believe that we ever would have missed him.
If the dirty little redneck hadn't run off with a case of my beer.
So flick that booger from your nose,
scrub your face put on some hose.
And maybe, just maybe, I'll take ya's dancin'.
Run a hay fork through that hair,
Get your fat ass off that chair.
Go in and run yourself a tub bath if you want romancin'.
It's gonna' be hard to find the beauty that lay underneath,
If you wont at least try to scrap that
green stuff off'a them teeth.
And then, how am I ever gonna' miss you sweetie pie,
If you wont ever leave?
How am I ever gonna' miss you sweetie pie,
If you wont ever leave?
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